It’s sad but I feel like more I get older, the harder it is to be enthralled and have a sense of wonder. Sometimes I wonder where all the dreams and aspirations I had went… and realize it just fizzled out and died after I started working. Now it just seems like a daily grind to just trying to keep my head above water, rather than shoot for something exciting and inspiring.

Let’s say when I was a kid I wanted to be an astronaut… obviously that dream is gone, but why? I can say, I lost the interest of going into space or saw how dangerous it was, but I would attribute almost 100% of it saying that my perspective has changed. The job qualifications and dangers of being an astronaut hasn’t changed, but as I grew up I either saw it as something I couldn’t do, or something that I was unable to see myself giving up certain other aspects of my life to continue to strive to become. So… what is the end goal… or what am I striving for?

I think that’s the thing that I still can’t grasp at times and have lost within the 4 years of working. More and more I’m realizing that I can’t find contentment in things that I used to… whether that’s because I’ve become so unhappy with the things around me or I’ve just become so desensitized by it.

I think I need to re-find the joy in my work or a sense of accomplishment with what I do or it’s going to be harder and harder to wake up everyday to go into work and feel like I’ve done anything productive or useful. Yes my clients like me, but is that enough for me to say that I did a great job today? Since your job is where you spend a majority of your time, it’s such a pivotal part of how you define your success and happiness. Obviously, that’s not the be-all-end-all in life, but definitely a small thing that I thought about on my cold commute into work today.